PULLING YOUR WEIGHT WITH YOUR TRAY

Many restaurants and private clubs have been facing a crisis with this H1N1 Virus. No one in our industry can afford to get sick. We make our money by being at work one table at a time. Unlike other professions though, that have sick days that are allotted and paid for at times. So what does all this mean to you?

Let me tell you what it means to me. Being a server and bartender in an exclusive business creme De la creme club, it will require more work on everyone's part... even mine. We are going to be required to pick up the slack of those sick and even the pretending to be sick fakers. We will get called in earlier on every shift, asked to do a few extra things to "help out the team" and not overly stress out our managers.

Some things I am assessing, observing, evaluating and eventually doing deal with pulling more weight both physically and figuratively speaking. So how do you do this and maintain a good morale amongst your co-workers? Here is what I have found:

• If you are in one location of the facility and others elsewhere... see what their responsibilities for the shift will be and help. We are not all busy at the same time. All of our "business" comes sporadically. So in your down town... help get glassware, silverware collected and polished for your team members set up.
• If you see one of your teammates in another location not doing anything, say waiting for a party to arrive... ask for some help to consolidate your steps. Utilize the extra hands.
• If you all are going to be needing to accomplish the same things at the end of the shift: re -cloth tables, place set, glassware, polish silver, fold napkins, fill salt and sugar caddies... break it down as a team. Person A regardless of the location will do all the sugar/salt and pepper, Person B cloths all the tables, Person C polishes all the spoons, Polish D the knives and forks. By breaking it down... you uniform and sweep the restaurant. It gets set faster, everyone has a responsibility of doing their part of the whole. If at the end, the manager sees there is something awry, that one person responsible for that action will be held accountable.

As simple as those steps are, many of you don't think to do it. I always like to think of locusts over a field. They do it in one fail swoop and demolish a crop. OR in restaurant terminology, happy hour with free appetizers. Those 9-5 business lushes come in and act as if they have never seen food before... they have a plate for every sampling course and destroy the buffet in less than 2.2 seconds.

Turn your resets into a positive manner. Get to know your teammates, do your task to the best of your ability and find... dependability will soon follow. As a co-worker, I am always interested in knowing who can I depend on when I really need help. Will they jump in and help me do a reset without asking? I'm finding the answer to be "yes." My night's reset is my co-workers' party tomorrow. Set those people up for success. Have fun with it.

I'm not sure who said this but here I go trying to slaughter the quote:

[One man doing the task of many accomplishes very little. Many men doing the task of one accomplishes the world.]

Try this out. I guarantee you will be out of your shift faster, with the jobs behind done more efficiently, set ups look sharper and the team morale good b/c EVERYONE had their responsible part.

FOLLOWING THROUGH- NOT A REQUIREMENT ANYMORE!

In today's society, not many people take following through on projects, promises or commitments seriously. Growing up, my father always told me "your name is all you have, it is my name... don't screw it up!" As a kid I would just roll my eyes and say " I know, I know dad shesh!" However as I've aged, I have found it to be an honorable, old-fashioned and almost obsolete idea.

As you all know, I have been trying to find a decent job in the hospitality industry since I've been in Buffalo. I work part time for a fine dining catering company, but it doesn't really pay the bills. I've just finished my book, getting it copywritten and having my best friend re-word my query letter to where I sound super smart. My problem: I have had multiple interviews with various organizations in the area... some well known like HYDE PARK STEAK HOUSE or Seneca Casino Hotel. The one thing they all have in common... lack of following through. I have had managers and directors tell me they will call for an interview, schedule the appointment, then no call.

My question to you: What does this say for our industry? Our culture? Our rearing practices? As I get older, I am finding that the values I was brought up on no longer apply. It is disappointing, upsetting and scary. Our industry is supposed to specialize in hospitality. If cannot follow through on committments, what does this say for our industry's future?

Is it just me or are we failing in the industry to offer that utopian hospitality we were always promised, trained and required to give? What do you think?

Lightening Up The Shift With Some Good Ole' Fashioned Jokes

For the last two days, I've been busting my hump working. I've had two fine dining catering events back to back. I found that one thing made the night more interesting and entertaining... the jokes we sat around and told during the down moments. Therefore, I thought I would share a few that were absolutely hilarious. Perhaps if you like, you can use them where you work to entertain your guests.

**NOT DRINKING**

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Corona’s president sits down and says, “Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Then Budweiser’s president says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.

Coors’ president says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.”

**INDUCTION**

A guy is forced to live in a remote Eskimo villiage but is having trouble interacting with the villiagers. Finally he corners one of them and asks why they won't talk to him. The villiager responds that he has not been initiated as a man. He ask's what do I have to do?

The villiager says, first you have to drink 2 bottles of Russian Vodka, then you have to go into a cave and kill a polar bear with your bear hands, then to seal your induction into manhood you have to make love for 10 hours straight with one of our women.

The man says he will do it. That night there's a big party to initiate the stranger. Everyone sits around the fire and they pass him a bottle of Vodka. He down's about half without much trouble, bet the second half is much more difficult. Finally he finishes it, and they pass him another. He finally manages to finish off the second bottle and the crowd claps and sings. Then he tried to get up but fell over drunk.

The Chief picks him up and points him in the direction of the polar bear cave. He staggers over and climbs in. Suddenly there's a huge commotion from within the cave. Bears growling and him screaming and wailing in pain.

Half an hour later he stumbles out of the cave, Torn to shreds, bloodied, and half dead. He turns to the crowd and drunkenly says, Okeee now where's the woman I gotta kill?

**PICK UP LINES YOU CAN USE**

-A person asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You respond: "Do you have the energy?"

-Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

-At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"

-Baby, I'm an American Express lover.... you shouldn't go home without me!

-Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?

-Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)

-Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!

-Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.

**BLONDE JOKES** (You know I had to put these in there)

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?

A: Alone.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?

A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O

Q: How does a blond kill a fish?

A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?

A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?

A: Penicillin.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?

A: An air bag.

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?

A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?

A: It's too hard to re-train them.

Well hopefully ya'll will enjoy these as much as I did hearing them, reading them, etc. If you are in the industry, I suggest try to have a joke book behind the bar. Either a scrapbook-like one made by guests for guests or something of collective material. I believe it will lighten up the evening, entertain guests and definitely give topics of conversation a big boost.

Happy Serving Peeps!

Falling Into Fall

What do you think of when you envision the Fall season? Do you automatically think football, cooler weather, children finally back in school, nice fall fashions, heartier meals, Pumpkin Spice Coffee at Starbucks? With all this craziness going on, what does it mean for you in the restaurant industry?

ADAPTION & OPTIMIZATION

When the season begins to change, so do outlooks. Cuisine cravings are altered, new routines are formed, you dress differently... it is a renewal, re-invention of yourself.

In the restaurant industry, immediately upon season changes you must adapt your selling techniques. When it is hot outside, you automatically push:

• light spritzy foo-foo white wines (Riesling, Gewurtzraminer, Pinot Grigio)
• salads, fish entrees, smaller portions of red meats

However, when it begins to cool down, you need to start focusing on:

• white wines that are with more oak (Mer Soliel, Sonoma Cutrer, Kistler), Pinot Noirs and heavier reds
• heartier entrees with sauces, red meat, soups
• AND DESSERTS

One thing many of you are not aware of is a disorder known as S.A.D. It stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It usually occurs in the Fall and Winter due to lack of sunlight. People become depressed, lethargic and crave sweets... serotonin is what they are trying to balance out. Therefore, along with pushing the above mentioned in the fall... desserts should be one you really focus on for up-selling. The sale is easy, extra money which will leave the guest in a serotonin coma with a smile on their face.

Anyhow... just some ideas for falling into Fall!

WHERE HAS RESTAURANT SERVICE GONE???

It seems no matter where Brad and I go out to eat lately, the service is horrible. Sincere greetings, employees' appearances and food presentations... all are sloppy. Everything looks thrown together, never thought about for more than a second and just leaves a bad taste in my mouth!

Where has restaurant service gone? Do you think because of the times restaurants are dumbing down... cutting back so far to the bone that what you are paying for is air, slop and dissatisfaction? I keep asking myself how is this possible? By evaluating the Buffalo, NY area.. I believe I have stumbled onto a reoccurring theme.

Buffalo lacks major corporate run restaurants. Everything in this city, for the most part, are privately owned concepts. The restaurant owners have ZERO clue what it takes to run a successful business. They sink so much effort into decor and the food that they throw the service to the waste side. They are looking at the bottom line, but forgetting the steps in between to get there. Managers are not present, owners aren't present, hell... half the time I wonder if my server or bartender has checked out too!

So what does this mean to us, the consumer that comes from the industry? Should we attempt to make things better by asking for a manager? Or, is it a lost cause with these privately owned businesses? All I can tell you is do NOT settle. As soon as we become complacent with horrible service, it has nowhere else to go.

I just wrote a complaint into the Anchor Bar. I could care less if they even respond. I just want them to know what I saw, experienced and do NOT plan on giving it another chance. Brad and I have been there at least 6 times since we have moved here (about once a month) and have only seen a decline. Next visit... I don't want to know what will happen.

So what do you think? Is it just me and this crappy "Queen City?" Because let me tell you, no royalty would ever come to this hell hole! Brad and I are counting down the days for the nightmare to end.

LAST NIGHT'S WEDDING GUESTS!!!!

Okay. I do some occasional catering on the weekends for this well known company here in New York. Last night, I had a 13 hour day dealing with this wedding gig. The bride was beautiful, food wonderful, alcohol flowing, dessert exquisite, then came the "afterwards dance floor." Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I'm standing behind the make-shift bar doing my usual, b.s.'ing with the men drinking scotch and smoking cigars they can't pronounce. Well wouldn't you know it, one of the party-goers has had a little too much to drink. She is about 67 yrs of age with a few extra pounds.

Some dumb ass convinces her that she is just as flexible as she was when she was 20 and that her dance moves are still in style. So, Ms. Brainiack decides to show off these great moves by latching onto a pole, wrapping her entire leg around it and swinging with all of her weight and might around it. Mind you, this is the MAIN pole to the tent we are all under! As she swings, she loses her balance and goes sliding right into the mud with the pole between her legs. Simultaneously, the entire tent sways under the extreme trauma the pole has just incurred. We all thought we were going to be under plastic in seconds. All the men went rushing to help her up and grab the pole, as her two drunk daughters are buckled over in laughter. I just stood there with my mouth open.

Next, the two drunk daughters in their 40's decide "mom just got the party started, we're going to finish it." As "Billy Jean is not my lover" song by Michael Jackson comes on at 20 decibels, one daughter decides to jump up onto the table ( a 90 inch round with metal legs that click into place if you are lucky). As she starts flailing around, the table begins to tilt in one direction. Now the dance has become a balancing act and an art form.

Her sister, of the same stature, decides to SAVE her by jumping onto the table as well. Now as they are dirty dancing while the guest paparazzi are taking pictures, this table is quickly sinking into the wet ground. When the top of the table is about 8 inches from the ground, the 1st sister does a crowd dive backwards. Unfortunately, the crowd was too far away and she lands on her back in the mud. The impact was so hard, yet the ground so soft, mud splatters onto everyone in a 10 feet radius.

At this point, my mouth is open, but I'm cackling as loud as I can as I wipe mud off my white tuxedo shirt. That was the funniest shit I have ever seen in my life. What alcohol does to people after 40 in a public setting. May God help us all!!!!

DRAMA...not just for kids anymore!

Drama in the work place is a nuisance, distraction and can be quite detrimental to work relationships! So tell me, why does it continue to happen? Have we all resorted to creating drama as a form of entertainment because our lives are not as fulfilling as we need them to be?

In speaking with a bartender friend today, "they" informed me of unnecessary drama that occurred at work. When the scheduled time for all to show up came, not all servers were present. A few of them ( let's call them Amy and Jerone) began chatting on who was the "other person?" Jerone said, "let me go check" and went to the schedule to see. Amy, not understanding what Jerone was doing, ASSUMED that he had gone to the manager.

Once Crystal, the late server showed, Amy greeted her with "did you know Jerone went to the manager because you were late? You better watch yourself girl. He's trouble." Crystal was PISSED! When Jerone innocently returns from the schedule posting in the back, he is confronted by Crystal. "Why are you calling me out to the manager? Who do you think you are... Mr. Better Than Everybody Else!" Jerone, alarmed, confused and now insulted, naturally retaliates. "What the hell are you talking about biatch! I didn't do anything! You should talk to your little friend Amy on keeping her mouth shut when she doesn't know what she's talking about!"

Drama. Was this all necessary? Why did Amy feel compelled to bring up the matter to Crystal? Why did Crystal feel it was right to attack Jerone over something so ridiculous? How do you think the shift played out when the manager brought out the floor chart and Crystal and Jerone were closing lunch together?

I'll tell you how it played out: Crystal and Jerone didn't speak to each other, their tables were pooled but left without server communication, Amy received the worst closing side work Jerone could think of, Crystal started crying at the end of the shift and the manager... wherever he was the whole time... was left shaking his head trying to figure out what the hell just happened on the playground????

So tell me people... what was your drama today? Comments? Concerns?

Are you thinking what I'M THINKING???

In the Food and Beverage Industry, we have it tough tough TOUGH! From drunk bar guests, nepotism, staff sleeping with each other to manager's stealing. We deal with every "cream of the crop" in our society. So tell me, how was your shift??? Anything exciting happening we should all know about? I'm ready when you are!!! Tell Auntie Lisa!

Wines.... What have you had lately???/

As you all know, I absolutely love wine and can drink my body weight in it. I just recently drank through most of South Africa...

Loves:
Indaba Chenin Blanc- nice and light, refreshing for the summer, definite citrus
The Wolftrap Red Blend- party in your mouth, blend of 5 unusual grapes, goes great with anything
Swanson Estate Pinotage- fantastic to drink on its own... nice dark fruit, not too heavy, sip here, sip there... oh no, where did it go???

Disliked:
Nothing. lol

Servers With Primary Hyperhidrosis...ICK!

Due to being on weight watchers, I thought to myself today.... "let's walk up to the local Greek Restaurant and have some dolmathes (stuffed grape leaves). Instead of getting it to-go, I decided to treat myself and dine in with a table next to a window. When I was greeted by the server, I was horrified!!! The guy was sweating from head to toe as if he just ran from Greece to wait on me.

The server, Damasko, was very pleasant, but the sweat just dripped down his face and neck. He kept wiping himself with his sleeve and hand. I couldn't help but think "if one drop hits my table, me or my food, I am going to go Postal on Mr. Parthenon!"

After a few moments of pondering on whether this is really how I wanted to enjoy my lunch, I changed my mind and said I needed to go. I paid for my drink and then went to the host and ordered my food for take out. Fortunately, Damasko was so busy, he didn't even notice I was still in the restaurant waiting for my food. Thank God he wasn't going to touch my food! SHEW! (wiping my dry forehead from relief)

I came home immediately and looked this disorder up!! Did you know those that sweat profusely and uncontrollably regardless of the situation, have what is known as Primary or Secondary Hyperhidrosis? I swear that in every concept and every state there is always that ONE waiter that has this disorder. The unfortunate thing is... they always FIND MY TABLE!!!!

So the next time you see one of your fellow co-workers sweating while sitting down in an air conditioned room, recommend they check out Hyperhidrosis! It can be socially devastating to have sweat as your natural force field against others!!!

By the way, the dolmathes were great... not too salty! LOL

Consolidating Your Steps

We have all come to work, had our shift meeting, straightened up our sections and prepared for the evening's business. Then found after all the preparation, a long period of time goes by and nothing happens... no tables come in, a few people are sitting at the bar and we are all in the back standing around. The wait, though not profitable, allows us time to catch up the day's events and entertain ideas of what to do after work. Then BAM... the 7pm rush. We have been waiting so long that we are lethargic, unprepared and in the middle of a great story!

Uh oh... the host staff just triple sat me and a few other servers. We are now running around like chickens with our heads cut off because we know that we are two steps away from taking the restaurant down like the Titanic! What to do?

As a long time server and manager, I've found that by consolidating your steps and treating all of your tables as one will help out tremendously.

GREETING/DRINKS

When your tables are all sat at once, they will be expecting the same thing: Greeting, drink order, bread and then their drinks themselves. So how do you do this with 3 tables all at once?

1) ring in all of your bar drinks first
2) prepare all of your non-alcoholic beverages on a tray
3) put all the bread and butters on the tray (last)
4) go to the bar and get the alcohol (It takes awhile depending on if the bar is busy with happy hour or behind on juicing and cutting fruit)
5) If your tray is too full, ask someone to follow you. Your section is usually in one specific area. Thus, allowing that person to set down the other tray (preferably the bread and butter) so you don't run back and forth between trays and looking at your captain's pad like Rainman.
6) Deliver drinks and bread to each table and tell them you will be back momentarily to go over the menu.
7) Then once you've completed doing your rounds to all your tables with beverages and bread, go back to the 1st table sat.
8) Give your spiel, answer questions. If ready, take the entire order to cut down on running back and forth.
9) Go to the 2nd table ... REPEAT.
10) The 3rd, the same.

***Sometimes you get lucky and everyone is ready. In reality, not usually. So if you see a table is going to be time consuming- 6 old ladies that will rundown their medical history, etc., ring in your orders as you get them.***

I do strongly recommend doing this unless you are not very quick on the micros, aloha, POS. If you feel you are getting behind the 8 ball and you don't write like a doctor on your captain's pad, then see if someone will help you by ringing it in. Ask a manager... we don't mind usually. Not to mention, we are much more accurate and faster on the system.

After all tables have been watered, breaded, spieled and possibly had their orders taken, move the entire section to the next phase.....

PREPARATION

1)any special requests (extra butter, more lemons, training wheels for an alcoholic beverage, whatever) get first.
2) Simultaneously, if you have tables that ordered appetizers, add plates and any extra silverware need (spoon if soup, hot towels,etc.) on the tray.
3) drop them all off and check drink levels
4) Refill drinks as necessary
5)Check on any soups, salads, appetizers that should be coming out within minutes

DELIVERY

Now that you've delivered your 1st courses, start preparing for the next step....clearing and next course.

1) Do your 2 bite,2 minute checkback first. Make sure everyone is good.

2) Always have a tray with you so that you can clear as you go. Some people scoff the 1st course down.

3) CRUMB, CRUMB, CRUMB... using your crumber and a side plate... not your hand, not brushing it on the floor like at home... not a tray... a small side plate to gather the crumbs!!!

4) Have a marking plate available to reset their silverware for next course. Do this immediately. Sometimes the kitchen knocks entrees out and you are unprepared. It pisses off the runner, iritates the guest and makes you look like you don't know what you're doing.

5) When finished going to all tables, sweep your section one last time for any stray plates, more refills, more bread. You know in the South, bread is a vegetable... so keep it filled people!

ENTREES

1) Entrees now come out.

2) 2 minute/2 bite check back again. If someone is iffy and responds "uh.. it's okay," FIX IT RIGHT THERE, if you don't... you will eventually with a manager or recook or whatever.

3) Refill drinks again, now leave them alone.

POS System

1) Now is the time to bring all checks up to date... non-alcoholic beverages rung in (don't forget bottled water people!!!!)

2) Any items needing to be voided or comp'd

3) I'd even suggest that if you think your tables might be getting coffee... get some cups warmed up... make sure there are creamers filled, sugar caddies on the table, enough saucers.

(This is the moment you see if your teammates have done their sidework... if they haven't... you better get on it!!!)

4) Clear entree plates when EVERYONE is finished or if they have pushed the item aside.

5) I recommend offering coffee TO ALL AT THE TABLE when the first plate is cleared.

6) If you have timed things right, all three tables should be remotely close to the same cycle and will be needing coffee also.

Well, I hope this helps. As easy as this all sounds, I cannot tell you how many times I find servers weeded from running back and forth and not stopping, breathing, thinking and consolidating.

Shift Drama

Every day in the restaurant is filled with new and exciting news. The drama from the previous shift, what happened on bug night, who did what with whom the night before, the list is endless. So tell me, what happened on your shift today?

Wine Myths

There are so many self-proclaimed Sommeliers out there nowadays, I could just scream. They have ideas of what they "think" is right, when in fact... is by industry standards... very very wrong. So I thought I would take a moment to dispell some myths for all of you in the industry. It will assist in your wine presentation as well as give you a conversational piece while opening the wine bottle.

1) Smelling the cork: is NOT an indicator of how good the wine is. The person is merely smelling mold. The cork can be observed to see how the wine was stored and if it was faulty, causing the wine to possibly turn bad.
2) Putting a magnet under bad wine will turn it into good wine. This has been marketed by many inventors, yet has not been scientifically proven. Currently, there is a $1 million pay out to anyone who can prove that this is true. Needless to say, no inventors have come forward as of yet.
3) The Punt: The punt is the indentation in the bottom of the wine bottle. It is not there for you to stick your thumb in and be all fancy in trying to pour the bottle of wine at the table. It originally came about when Dom Perignon discovered his wines had 2nd fermentation occuring. The bottles kept exploding. Thus, which led to a glassmaker having to figure out a design that could withstand the intense pressure without breaking the bottle. Hence... the punt was invented.
4) Decanting White Wine: Is it acceptable? Uh, only if you're an idiot. White wine does not rest on the lees which doesn't throw any sediment. Crystal tartrates may occur in white wine, but is harmless... a little crunchy, but really harmless. Decanting is used for reds mostly.
5) Screw Caps Are Bad: Wrong-o kiddos! Screw caps are actually very very good. Robert Mondavi was the first to push for such an idea. Every year over $10 million wines are reported for being corked, tainted or bad. Stelvin enclosures (aka screw caps) preserve a wine, eliminates almost all chances of the wine to become oxidized, are easier to store and you don't need a waiter's tool to open it.
6) Do you present a screw cap to a guest? Absolutely not!!!! They are aware it screws offf as they see you elbowing it like a pickle jar... put it in your pocket and complete the service according to standards. However, hang onto the cork, because sometimes they are interested in having it back if they don't finish the bottle. It's a bitch to know that screw cap you threw away 20 minutes ago is now under that table of 10's plate scrapings. Don't you dare think about retrieving it. I know it will cross your mind, but fight the urge!!!
7) Ladies always first: Yes and no! If the person that ordered the wine is a lady... she is served last. Too bad, so sad, that is the standard.
8) Can't have wine...too many sulfites! If I hear that one more time, I might just punch someone in the face! Did you know that a can of tuna has more sulfites than wine? Headaches when drinking wine can occur for many different reasons: allergic reaction, the natural hystamines in the wine, drank too much, not enough water... sulfites are usually one of the last things to cause a person a reaction. There are some wines out there that do not sulfur their products, ask your bar manager when ordering if you see there is a need.
9) Once a wine is opened, it is done for... drink or throw out! Wrong again.... wines can last, depending on the maker, varietal, and seal up to a week. Just make sure you put it in your refrigerator (both red and white). If, when you get to it, it is bad.... use it for cooking or give to someone you hate. It's that simple.
10) Just by opening a bottle helps the wine breath: Nope.... the only way to allow the wine to breath is through decanting or pouring into a glass and having the person swirl it. Breathing allows the wine to come up to room temperature, release the aromatics of the wine showing off its complexity and will soften it a bit. When people say "the wine is tight" they usually mean it needs some air. That's all.

A Day In The Life Of Restaurant Staff!!!

Waiting tables is a “go-to” profession done by millions of Americans every year. Some do it for the fast cash, graduate college then go onto their intended career. Others, to help ends meet because the selected career doesn’t provide the lifestyle they would care for; however, there are a select few that choose it as their lifelong profession. Those of us “lifers” thrive on the constant interpersonal communication, the electricity that race through the late night air and the unpredictableness that an evening’s shift can bring.

Many of us are over-educated with one or more degrees looking for something outside the 5-9 rigmarole. We abhor suits, would like as little responsibility as possible and enjoy having a social life of quality. You may classify us as Generation X, Y or Z, who knows, but we are what we are and the restaurant industry is programmed into our DNA.

We have remained quiet, courteous and accommodating long enough. Today is your lucky day to hear what we think on the other side of the table. We have observed your traits and characteristics and labeled them accordingly. Restaurant staffs, through trial and error, have learned the art of profiling for their own survival. Behind our crisply ironed uniforms and plastered on smiles, we stand at the edge of your table attempting to read you like a poker professional! We evaluate your attire, observe your demeanor, listen to you talk, wait for an acknowledgement of our presence. Within two minutes, we have a good understanding how this show will play out. Sometimes we are surprised, but for the most part…not usually.

Companies provide questionnaires, website comment pages and manager table visits to solicit guest opinions and information. Yet, restaurant staffs are invisible, rarely questioned by management and never thought about by corporations. We are the soldiers on the front lines directed by out-of-touch CEOs and company policies.

Therefore, I have created a guide on what we have learned one table at a time including a standard profiling system known throughout the industry. Buckle up your seat belts people I’m going to take you for a bumpy ride. Perhaps I’m calling a spade a spade here, but no more pussyfooting around. We are tired of being ignored and, if we’re lucky, devalued.

We have all been on your side of the table. We understand the intricate parts of the dining room, practically live, eat and sleep at the restaurant and most of us can tell you verbatim what is on that menu. So will someone… anyone… please explain to us why ya’ll continuously try to surprise us with unbelievable things from questions, to behaviors, to bringing your own stuff to the restaurant, children, special requests, sense of entitlement and most of all just enough money for the bill that you want to split 20 ways?

As the great late George Carlin used to say about his comedy, “figure out where the line of obscurity is, cross it and bring the people with you.” So join me on an adventure of storytelling and profiling that will leave you speechless, literally. It is time for ya’ll to experience a day in the life of a server!

I'll go first:


I was managing at a fine dining concept on a Thursday night. We were especially busy due to various pharamaceutical groups having meetings. A gentleman was walking out through our front doors and stopped. He turned to us at the host stand with complete and utter anger on his face. He asked if I was a manager. I pondered on whether to respond "speak no english," but smiled and said "yes, how may I help you sir?" The man, holding a to-go container, cocked back his arm as if he was getting ready to make a life or death throw. Angry that his event took too long, he had difficulty finding parking and now had to leave with his FREE meal because of a scheduling conflict decided it was time to take it out on someone. That someone.... was me.

As the plastic box spun through the air, the perfectly cooked Medium Rare Filet separated from the container like the space shuttle entering into the Earth's atmosphere. The doctor obviously played baseball in college because he hit his intended target, my white blouse, dead on. The smack of filet to my chest was piercing like a fog horn at a football game. The blood dripped from my face and chest as he stormed out. Little did I know when I woke up that morning, my night would end like a scene out of the movie "Carrie."