LAST NIGHT'S WEDDING GUESTS!!!!

Okay. I do some occasional catering on the weekends for this well known company here in New York. Last night, I had a 13 hour day dealing with this wedding gig. The bride was beautiful, food wonderful, alcohol flowing, dessert exquisite, then came the "afterwards dance floor." Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I'm standing behind the make-shift bar doing my usual, b.s.'ing with the men drinking scotch and smoking cigars they can't pronounce. Well wouldn't you know it, one of the party-goers has had a little too much to drink. She is about 67 yrs of age with a few extra pounds.

Some dumb ass convinces her that she is just as flexible as she was when she was 20 and that her dance moves are still in style. So, Ms. Brainiack decides to show off these great moves by latching onto a pole, wrapping her entire leg around it and swinging with all of her weight and might around it. Mind you, this is the MAIN pole to the tent we are all under! As she swings, she loses her balance and goes sliding right into the mud with the pole between her legs. Simultaneously, the entire tent sways under the extreme trauma the pole has just incurred. We all thought we were going to be under plastic in seconds. All the men went rushing to help her up and grab the pole, as her two drunk daughters are buckled over in laughter. I just stood there with my mouth open.

Next, the two drunk daughters in their 40's decide "mom just got the party started, we're going to finish it." As "Billy Jean is not my lover" song by Michael Jackson comes on at 20 decibels, one daughter decides to jump up onto the table ( a 90 inch round with metal legs that click into place if you are lucky). As she starts flailing around, the table begins to tilt in one direction. Now the dance has become a balancing act and an art form.

Her sister, of the same stature, decides to SAVE her by jumping onto the table as well. Now as they are dirty dancing while the guest paparazzi are taking pictures, this table is quickly sinking into the wet ground. When the top of the table is about 8 inches from the ground, the 1st sister does a crowd dive backwards. Unfortunately, the crowd was too far away and she lands on her back in the mud. The impact was so hard, yet the ground so soft, mud splatters onto everyone in a 10 feet radius.

At this point, my mouth is open, but I'm cackling as loud as I can as I wipe mud off my white tuxedo shirt. That was the funniest shit I have ever seen in my life. What alcohol does to people after 40 in a public setting. May God help us all!!!!